Is it sanitary to roast marshmallows over a cigarette lighter?
He was spoon feeding me wine all night.
I slept with a married guy last night and then broke my toe on the doorframe on the way out. I've never seen karma work so fast.
All I know is that either you or I told a black guy that he looked like usher and he was sexy and that is our confession
we found him. outside on the balcony, sitting on a bucket, with his pants off, swearing he was'nt taking a dump
I knew you would eventually ask my secret. Pedialite mix drinks. Works wonders.
I accidentally lit my hair on fire and we broke the bed. How was your night?
I wish there were birth control emojis
We fucked in my trunk while on the clock....what did you do at work today?
I woke up naked on my futon with a blanket half way covering my ass and 20 half eaten chicken wings on my chest... At 7 pm... That kind of day drinking
Omg one side of my Labia is asleep. Has that ever happened to you?
My credit card got frozen due to suspicious activity. "Let's go over your recent transaction history... it looks like these are all at bars." BITCH, DON'T JUDGE MY MONDAY NIGHTS.
Literally had sex in his grow room under a plant.. ganja queen .
Something like, "Merry Christmas. I hope Santa shits in your mouth."?
That is our entire relationship. We match bowls and give each other head. What more could you possibly want?
Randomize
