My unemployment check should really just be direct-deposited into the checking account of my drug dealer
Not a single person will look me in the eye. Last night must've been bad.
Swear to god this chicks brother got let out of jail for the weekend for the sole purpose of cock blocking me
There is a special place in Hell for whichever one of you put Ben Gay on my dildo. It was a very uncomfortable April 1.
Uhm after 8 I don't recall anything. All I know is there's a picture of me playing pong with my grandmother.
Usually I just ask myself "have I been naked here?" If the answer is no I correct the situation.
SUNS OUT COOCHY OUT
Walked into a bathroom stall to pop an addy for my three back-to-back finals today. Felt like Clark Kent walking into a phonebooth.
Fuckin' raining men in my bedroom while I'm trying to drunk eat a rather large portion of pasta. Like shoo I already picked who I'm sleeping with. Pasta wins.
LOOK AT MY ASS AND LEGS IN THIS SKIRT. I KNOW ALL THE BEST HIDING SPOTS IN THIS BUILDING. AND I OFFER TEQUILA.
Being a fine ass woman in a world full of fuckboys is the realest struggle I've ever known.
apparently when she asked me how drunk I was on a scale of 1-10, I answered "bitch I'm fabulous" and tried to do a sassy hairflip. but I have short hair.
I fucked a French man last night. 5 Times. Ashed my cig in his cactus. That later set on fire while we were having sex.
How dare sober me try to tell drunk me I can't eat the applesauce in the fridge! Stingy bitch IM EATING THE APPLESAUCE! you can tell sober me I said that.
She pulled out a water gun filled with vodka and called it her weapon of choice tonight. She's fine.
Randomize
