i just heard someone have an orgasm and then throw up through the vent in my room.
Tiger Woods should have just walked in, gave everyone a high five, and left.
Just so we're on the same page, we cannot have been the first people to have ever thought about shooting that guy with crossbow
im swimming of confusion and bacardi. where do i go from herrrrrre
how thoroughly do i need to sanitize the cone the vet put around my dog's neck for it to be safe to use as a beer bong?
so how does soaking flintstones gummy vitamins in vodka not make perfect sense
I've thrown up twice at work. Just casually, in the mop sink. Then continued to make someone a milkshake. Want some ice cream?
Craig, a bottle of Jamison, and I had a party on the roof last night. No idea how I got down. My injuries indicate fall...
That rando I gave head to on the beach just endorsed me on LinkedIn for Oral Communication Skills. So there's that.
Can we just talk about how I wrote out all the stuff I had to do this week and for Thursday it says "drink and cry"? ...I don't remember putting that but it sounds like something I would do
Urgent. Do not ignore. What does this "=$" shit mean. Quality foreign dick is at stake here
So I should just walk in, look him in the eye and say, "I just came to fuck your brother, nice to meet you" and just walk to your room.
You can't die you're my only democrat family member
I've seriously never been more thankful for marijuana and my resting bitchface.
I'm going to be such a slut in Europe I've already decided
Send me dick pics. We'll make a scrap book
Randomize
