State Street has never looked so beautiful than during my walk of shame.
we just watched the ball drop on the spanish channel. best mistake of my life.
I think it's safe to say taking shots on the way to the emergency room was rock bottom. We're going to need to think of ways to top that between now and next new years eve...
I just put bacon on a thin mint and enjoyed the shit out of it. I better not be fucking pregnant.
today is just not my day... it could be raining penises and I would get hit in the face by a vag
you walked onto the street in the middle of the 10K in your thong. it was a whole new kind of expirience.
I went down on her on the dining room table. That should count for something.
I went 670% over budget on my vacation. My accountant would flip if he weren't me.
How the fuck do you have so much free time?
Polyphasic sleep schedule.
His face matches his life choices. Both are train wrecks.
you never un-have a 4some
He goes from zero to fucking up in 2.4 drinks. Like the sportscar of bad decision making.
YOLO is a great motto until you end up with Chlamydia
I had to ask her to let go of my cock this morning so I could go home. She just kept saying "no, please, no..."
Took my nervous poop earlier then expected it's gonna be a good day
you were shouting "me peeing on him is the closest he'll EVER get to my vagina!"
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