Sometimes I wonder if we could be friends if we lived closer.
we screwed to my bar mtzvah tape, I became a man while watching myself becom a man
You tried to pay the bartender in graduation checks, I think you'll be fine in the real world.
Dude I could put my dick between the gap in her teeth.. This is the last time we are hanging out with Kentucky girls
Dude I really need to stop drinking. I chugged a whole bottle of ketchup last night.
It would only make sense that I'd cheat on him with his best friend on the ides of march...
don't trust your eyes. just sniff them. if they smell like axe, they are broke, move on to the next.
NO I WOULD NOT GET A GUMMER FROM A GRANDMOTHER
I am officially now FB friends with my arresting officer.
My mom just asked me if I can obtain a fake ID by thursday
I don't know, but I assume drunk me had her reasons. I trust her judgement.
I'm sorry I lead life with my vagina.
no dude he sent me cemetery flowers, i know it. they are half dried out roses in the shape of a cross, seriously. and he is not religious. so he robbed a freaking grave site for me. am i like an accessory to grave robbing now??
damnit this is what you get for dating guys with neck tattoos
Just woke up next to a hungry lesbian and a half eaten croissant on my stomach. Can you come get me?
Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she cant stop having the shits.
Randomize
