I don't usually arrange sex via text message
yeah my walk of shame consisted of driving on the wrong side of the road at 6am still drunk with cum drying in my hair and left eye.
Woman walking into toby keith concert: 8 months pregnant, black eye, shirt on that has a picture of a boot and the words "we'll put a boot up your ass" with an american flag printed over--the sleeves were ripped off and she had a camo cowboy hat. Greatest thing I've ever seen.
He's trying to wipe up all the spilled drinks with a banana
She's Christian and monogamous. Two wammies right there. No amount of convincing will turn that bi for a night.
Miller High Life will be the death of me. Well, that and shower sex.
Only thing worse than going to work with a hangover is going to work with a hangover then realizing that u don't have to work that day
Maybe her vagina is like a vacuum
I can't decide if that would be a good or bad thing. I'm leaning toward good
Immediately after I scarfed down an Applebee's appetizer trio for lunch, my boss sent me on an hour long road trip to pick up some parts. Great. I can't wait to shit my pants on US-31 South.
you just won the triple crown of sex! your prize is more sex.
I was just at Kroger and saw some guy with a steelers balloon... ran up to him and popped it. NO RAGRETS.
I found a tomato seed inside my jeans. I did not eat tomatoes
You passed out in my backseat like a legitimate infant. A really drunk, really horny infant
Just shaved my balls on a moving train. By far the most dangerous stunt I've ever pulled
Can I send you a random dick pic? It's got a lightsaber tattoo
Randomize
