Bigbird is at the bar Im at. whats her name
There's a technique?! I just slide my tongue around
her boobs were like sundried tomatoes..
You told him how lucky he was to be an elephant and kept trying to grab his "trunk"
i just overheard someone saying that they invented the 'tequila mockingbird' last night. sorry, but i found better friends
Last night in my drunkenness I bought hurricane supplies which included a jug of wine and a bouquet of flowers. Apparently I'm going to woo Irene.
She's trying to figure out what kind of dinosaur I am... Yay codeine.
College: when you have to set an alarm to start drinking
Promise me, at my funeral, you will re-enact our human sledding incident of 2011....you can use my dead body as said sled.
A BJ like that needs to be recommended.
I'm still me, I just happen to have things in my porn library that you may not have expected
Only you would come out as bi like that
Pretty good. They took the stitches out but it still hurts like a bitch. The doctor says I should be off crutches by next week.
Well, that's good. Let's hope drunk you doesn't sabotage you.
Getting food poisoning after eating at work was the cherry on top of my "Welcome back to real life" sundae.
it's a shower with the lights off kind of day
The cat likes watching me spank Michael. I don’t know how to feel about this.
Randomize
