only if we run a train.
done.
Here's a fun fact your kittens ate my vomit last night
All signs point to mom being high. 1) making chicken at 2 am. 2) dancing to smooth jazz. 3) she asked where the peanut butter was
I'm going to look like a jackass in the Mexican newspaper tomorrow.
Better than last year. I didn't wake up to an after thanksgiving human shit on my living room floor. I think it's a sign I'm growing up at almost 30.
walk of shame this morning involved walking through the in-home daycare that she runs while it was full of kids. judgemental little shits. on a plus, got a juice box and a graham cracker for the walk home.
Seriously I'm dying. All my insides are fighting their way out of me. With light sabers and machetes.
No dude. I can't think of anything LESS sexy than yodeling
He's not very smart so he didn't know I was yelling at him with monologues from Scandal.
In honor of Super Tuesday, we should have the sex tonight.
When Dad gets to your house, ask him about the sound of anal beads. Happy Thanksgiving!
I'm drinking apple juice and champagne while watching crossroads..like the classy bitch that i am.
We only initially bonded over boobs and sarcasm
I could not add him. He gets 5 likes on Instagram.
This Cougar is looking at me like I’m a piece of meat and buying me top shelf cocktails
I’m getting a fear boner thinking about what she might do to me
Randomize
