he made me salute his american flag boxers before i took them off
Being a girl sucks.
Being a boyfriend sucks for about a week, too
Until he has ordered mozzarella sticks & beers at 2pm while wearing formal attire, then this is still my bar.
we found you standing over and eating out of my neighbor's garbage can
she worked me into her spring break cardio plan. im mondays and wednesdays.
I always knew I'd be the first one with an STD
I thought she was being abused so tried to go in at the sympathy angle, but the bruises were from pole dancing. I went in at all angles.
I'm not sure what is worse, the fact that Hoffman doesn't sell vodka before 9am or that I was trying to buy vodka at 8:30am.
Just walked by the neighbors and they are definitely butt naked sitting on a bed, watching Netflix, baked out of their minds, with the blinds open.
Welcome to Bellingham.
Have I showed you the picture of my vagina with a little bang flag coming out of it?
I achieved the level of drunk I wanted even with the length of dress I was in..
My 1st STD. I feel like there should be a cake for this.
Well, I got drunk and told my family about what I expected sexually after a good first date.
I'm not saying I'm planning to hook up tomorrow but I'm also not saying I'm unprepared for it
sorry i was ignoring you last night i accidentally did a bunch of pcp and thought i was inside tron
Randomize
