So I just opened the bag you gave me and those panties aren't mine...
oh
Call me back. I want to hear your side of the dead cat in my garage story.
I'm drunk at The Bachelor casting call in Cleveland
I cherish every text you send me
went out last night and woke up on the bathroom floor again, thinking about just moving my bed in there.
:O -> O: ... that's emoticon for "he threw up in my mouth while we were making out"
They should try giving mcdonalds to cancer patients because it just cured the worst hangover ive ever had
She was stumbling around looking for her cat. She said i could help, but i had to call him by his jungle name
I feel like a fucked a broomstick last night. You get a gold star.
Think worst case scenario and then dress sluttier
i cant wait to be back in my element of drunk, on a barstool, ive missed home
The only difference between us and a pack of 14 year old girls is substance abuse
Tbh the only thing I was fully concerned about from the dream was what type of fucked up parallel universe doesn't have Coca-Cola
I just watched a porn called gay of thrones and I think I've reached a new low in my life
IDK if she's gay or not, but there is something about the way she looks at me that says "do dirty dirty things to me." I have no choice but to oblige.
Ugh. All the good hoes are in their third trimester.
Randomize
