I never Thought the day id see a chick shove a 2liter up her vag. that happened last night
I discovered the grieving process is shock, denial, anger...and then something about drinking until you puke on yourself
i was trying to wake him up so i just kept touching his dick
a garbage man just dropped off my phone and wallet. he found them in the trash this morning.
This does no justice to the amount of paint I'm covered in or the amount of balls I'm tripping.
Look you found him on craigslist. You should be happy that he at least HAS a normal looking dick.
So hungover. They actually hid easter eggs around me.
Snorting lines of xanex off the back of my grandparents toilet before church. Thinking of u.
My dad caught me fucking in the pool last night. He proceeded to tell me I needed to "quiet things down" while this guys dick was still in me. Worst daughter ever.
I'm starting to think my role in the world is to inject batshit crazy, mentally unbalanced chicks with a dose of normal sperm.
The horniest man in the world doesn't want sex as bad as I want pizza right now.
Jäger goes great with personal crises and receding morals...
Literally every boy I've dated is now in a somewhat successful band. My vagina has obviously been blessed by the rock gods.
I threw up in the shower. I cleaned it all up and there is on mess at all. This hangover has become borderline religous. Powerful and life changing.
We met behind our asshole boss's back with the intent to oust him from the company. If this revolution is a success, bring nachoes.
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