so he came on my face and then proceeded to say "that was just how i imagined it would happen"
where do you find these guys?
Watching a deaf couple have an argument in the mall. Can't bring myself to look away.
How's your Sunday morning ritual of shitting and throwing up at the same time going?
Just ate applesauce I laced with percocets for dinner. I'm pretty sure my grandmother does the same thing.
All I remember is apologizing to his sister for being a bad influence while I was throwing up into a big gulp cup.
Just got offered to exchange moonshine for manscaping services by a gay guy. I'm gonna have the smoothest back in St. Louis county.
A client gave me a bottle of vodka today. And he was hot with a beard. It's like he knows my soul.
The trainer from the tech college told me that I would pass the first aid course so long as I turned up sober. Challenge accepted
dude, i warned you that using a card to pay for my hotel room was a bad idea. You deserve the extra $600 in cleaning fees
He held back my hair as I puked, then kindly asked me to slightly move my head over and pissed right next to my face.
I just threw up birthday cake.. who's birthday was it?
OK... But I need to shower first because I'm covered in stuff I definitely shouldn't have slept in
I remember reading the word "lift" so I did. The alarn went off, and I thought to myself "what dumbass pulls the fucking fire alarm?" and then I realized it was me...
Ik youre sleeping but fyi its 5:32am I'm sitting in the middle of the road bra less and shoeless with boxers in my hand and no ride. Shits real crazy.
I want to find him again. His Corona tank top and I were made for each other.
Randomize
