there is this woman at the counter who looks identical to linda ellerbee. and she's grinning. COME. INSIDE. NOW.
remind me next year to leave the 19 year old girl at home when you're going to pride. total cock block
you told him you liked to chip your nail polish to look like different countries. im gonna guess that no, you didn't sleep with him.
Just got off the phone with poison control. They're more concerned about our alcohol intake than that the beer bong was last cleaned with pine sol.
He wore homemade jorts on our first date. I'm not sure if I should leave now or embrace the white trash lust and marry him
After so many times of carrying your puked covered clothes home in a bag on a Tuesday morning, you begin to realize that Fucked Up Mondays aren't a real thing.
He got a slutty, ugly mother of a 7 year old, and I got a dog that only sleeps and shits on clean clothes. No one won in this break up.
Coming to you live from the floor of my office..
Finding an empty bathroom to shit on campus is like the quest for the fucking Holy Grail. Except with more stench and humiliation.
At one point we were both in the bathroom and i was taking a shit while holding your hair as you puked in the sink. Friendship.
There's a stripper getting there at 10 though so hopefully I'm out before the stripper gets there. I don't have time to deal with a stripper.
It's such a sad loss when a hot guy finds Jesus and grows a neckbeard
I WANNA SUCK HIS DICK ON A BOAT
If I'm not naked in the back of a cop car having sex by the end of the night, I did something wrong..
Is it a bad thing when vodka doesn't taste like vodka anymore?
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