Thats not how I planned it, its just the way she passed out
Well whatever you do have, it sure worked on me.
A Penis?
pretty sure mid blowjob I told him I needed to call you and ask you if this was whore-ish. He hid my phone from me.
This is random, but did i give u a handjob in the middle of the night or was that a dream?
so went to the condom shack today. bought a condom that dresses up your dick in a suit...tomorrow im fucking in style
What a whore. She reminds me of that asian guy who can eat all the hotdogs.
As long as there aren't any pictures of me humping the penguin, we are good,
he got a rim job in the basement.
apparently i was the one who gave it to him.
There are parrots here and they're headbanging to the music. There's also a clown and a pit bull that can jump onto tables. Too high for this shit.
Seriously, do normal people actually get work done being this hungover? No wonder the economy's in the shitter
I know everybody has skeletons in their closet but why are all of mine so slutty?
Sadly, she's the porn star that got away
So I'm going to regale you with a tale of someone who went out, was fed way to many shots, got super wasted and now has a date with one of the security guards from the building but has no idea what his name is. That someone is me
You were petting a 40 year old man's moustache for 15 minutes
in mid sex he pointed out my great gatsby tattoo and we started discussing themes and metaphors from our fave fitzgerald novels
you need to stop fucking English majors
Randomize
