Oh fyi, I gave your card to a homeless guy last night and told him you were the world's hottest blonde girl who only likes black men...Sorry
She's the rare girl who loses weight and gets uglier.
its 9am. i just got home. spent 6 hours blowing him in a closet last night
after last nights cooking expirments i have lost all faith in the fire alarm battery
this is like black Friday for my dealer. I'm literally standing in line.
let's put it this way: i'm gonna stop drinking and get a gym membership. she's that hot
I just spent an hour in the shower pretending I was a member of the b-52's. I can't go to work like this
I ended up in bed with a man from London in a sorority wing I am not apart of. Tequila fucks you up
No apologies necessary. Just give me sex and Pop Tarts, and we'll call it even.
Does me being hung over take away from how professional I can be today?
They wouldn't let me on the bull because I couldn't even sign my own name... She let me try 3 times...
I spent most of my night in the men's room eating popcorn on the garbage can conversing with strangers pissing
I just ate a handful of salt
I thought this was a good idea
Wow you are like a taller more attractive sex Yoda.
I woke up wearing nothing but my red thigh high socks and a blue wig. I have no idea what happened.
Randomize
