I'm guessing "whatever I can get" wasn't the reply the nurse wanted when asking what med I need. Oh, and asked for a cartoon band-aid.
Please tell me you saw the asian lady with the medical mask on cutting her lawn with scissors.
The guy I fucked last night is well worth up the ass tuition. I just wish I could tell dad thanks!
He warned me he may piss the bed. I'm oddly okay with this.
dude chill. we stole 18 hamburgers from her house
no. you cant fuck a burger.
Something's wrong. Everything's on fire. Unless it was like that before. Then everything's alright.
No idea how he made them, but vodka water balloons were a horrible idea.
so hungover. I'm actually considering eating the snow off the roof so I don't have to leave my bed
Hot Damn Cinnamon Schnapps make me feel like the sun is punching me in the face and a bear is sleeping inside me.
I'm tripping balls on ambien right now and I still feel that's a bad idea.
She just asked me if I was going to stay the night. I responded "I know that we are upside down".
DO NOT TRY TO APPROACH HER CAT. IT IS A DEMON CAT FROM SATAN'S BALLS AND IT *WILL* TRY TO KILL YOU. I SPEAK FROM EXPIRENCE.
We didn't have a place to have sex. So we timed the automatic car wash & spent $9 for 3 minutes and 45 secs of car sex.
My horoscope should say: you're an alcoholic, get help today, Pisces
What's a really polite way of saying "you have gravely overestimated the value of your vagina?"
Randomize
