distance makes the heart seek blowjobs from girls that are closer i heard.
I went to check the drunk texts i sent last night but my phone deleted them already. Even my phone is ashamed.
The question of "Will I eat a piece of curried chicken off the floor?" has been answered tonight.
eat the baked goods on the counter at your own risk... i made them while i was angry and drunk so they most likely have pubes in them
at some point i feel off my bar stool straight into the arms of a gay guy. just my luck.
The straight guy here is hot. He described himself as Christian grey without the money and my vagina fell out of my body
please tell me we weren't that bad as freshmen
i can't, we're worse now
His water bottle is sitting on my coffee table like a monolith dedicated to the things he is not doing to my vagina.
im dying and naked and this is what youre living with next year.
Speaking of mom and dad and Halloween... Mom bought a size small slutty nurse outfit last night. So yeah, they're getting hammered
Can I pee and smoke my bong at the same time or is that like eating on the toilet
At one point I believe I was despencing medical advice while wearing a sombrero and a hulk hand
On a scale from 1 to 10 how gross is it to get a chili dog from a vending machine?
Fun fact: nipples work on touch screens. Tell your friends :)
Call me a snob but I'm not banging chicks with more fingers than teeth.
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