I hate cats. They're so curious, it's not their damn business.
So my boyfriend is on his way over and there is no time to wash the sheets from when I had his roommate over earlier. Put them in the dryer with a damp bounce sheet. Win?
This is a whole new level of slut for you....do they smell ok?
The only thing worse than listening to you two fuck all night was waking up and smelling bacon and there not being any left.
Man, the last time I saw you you were giving me a thumbs up while being pulled out the bar by your belt from some girl.
4 to the list in one week. Slutsville isn't as fun as the brochure promised.
no, forget the keg and come see this. prego pants here is dunking chicken nuggets into pudding and crying over a cat show on animal planet.
thanks for being the calm eye of my shit storm.
Let's enter the circle of trust. Are we there yet? Ok. If I somehow hypothetically slept with Amandas ex husband...on a scale of one to ten...how bad is that?
Oh man. Realized I was high when I realized how long I'd been watching Roseanne
How bad is it if you swallow a really small piece of glass? Be optimistic if possible I'm anxious about it.
Ways to ruin a one night stand: the guy finds your parenting magazine on your dorm room desk.
The holidays are too long. I always run out of adderall before I run out of family. you got any left?
I crawled to the bathroom this morning there were cornpops scattered on the floor? What was I doing last night?
His pet bird was perched ON HIS DICK.
I tried to breakup with him by telling I had a threesome. He one upped me by saying he had a 5-some so I couldn’t do it.
Randomize
