If I had a sex resume I'd get tons of jobs.
he told me it was because of the roids, but i couldn't tell if he meant ster or hem.
so last night my mother drunkenly told me that maybe the reason why I want to be a vet was because I was conceived doggy style.
So. Much. Sex. I feel like i ran a marathon then someone kicked me in the vagina. Soo worth it
RIGHT?!?! I'M ACTUALLY UPSET I DON'T GET TO MAKE THE 2.3 MILE TREK TO SUCK HIS COCK, yes I google earthed it.
See this is why people shouldn't jump into marriage. See what type of drunk you're engaged to first.
Know anything about my roof collapsing last night?
Tequila.
U touched your head and and said "oh look blood" and then looked at me and touched my face... And said war paint
Now I'm having a post-sex brownie. Is this the life? I think it might be
Stop leaving buckets of wine at my house.
YOURE A FUCKING ADULT. DONT TELL ME ITS PAST YOUR BEDTIME WHEN I WANT TO GET ANOTHER COCKTAIL.
sorry for showing your butt to the bar
sorry for licking your cheek
I will be wearing a suit out more cuz it has been decided i rage harder with a power tie
I gave him a hand job in the parking lot... now he thinks we're meant for each other...
My last one night stand called me today. Apparently I gave him a yeast infection in his mouth. Not sure how I should feel about this.
Randomize
