Am I the only one creeped out by the guy asleep behind our couch?
Pretty much gone. He was in the backseat and kept whispering that his "toes felt like pigtails"
I met her at the liquor store. I hope I'm wearing a condom
I need to get skinnier so that I know when pregnancy scares are real...
How the hell did he get a boner in that type of situation?
they still hired me even though my background check came back with a warrent for my arrest.
why is there a fishing net hanging from my ceiling fan?
You wanted to thank my penis. You wanted me to take the condom off so you could touch it and thank it.
I just had to take my laptop away from him because he was on Amazon and had 20 Seahawks garden gnomes in his cart.
Thanks for that golden cinnamony goodness that flowed from your fake tits last night haha
I feel like I'm in a development meeting for a Lifetime original movie.
Did she seriously come back inside just to piss on the kitchen floor?
I made out with that lesbian chick for a blunt. NO REGRETS.
When I woke up today i said I will NOT sleep with her. This morning I did the walk of shame into work wearing the same clothes... How was your Monday?
Dude, she stopped mid blow job to ask the cat's name. ADHD might be a deal breaker after all.
Randomize
