Wow, this guy is harder to get rid of than gum in pubic hair
Was just shown the photos from a professional photoshoot my aunt had for their dog...not drunk enough for this...
I just followed a trail of feathers and glitter to class. Today better be fucking magical.
isnt it sad that we can reminisce about our childhood but we cant remember shit we did last month
he just told me he'd rather go to the pirates game. i know it was desperate but i said id give him roadhead if he let me come along.
He woke up licked his hand and put it on my vag and went back to sleep. This is twice this week and its only wednesday
thank you for reminding me that I stumbled into a public place drunk at 9am wearing a chicks pants.
So I walk in and he's teaching someone in London via Skype how to roll a blunt. I have new found respect for him.
i swear, you were born with a blunt in one hand and somebody else's wallet in the other.
There just aren't enough words in the English language to convey my deep and abiding love of your cock. So I am beefing up on my Portuguese.
My wife ladies and gentlemen! Love ya babe.
I feel like the fact that I slept with someone who dresses up like Batman a few times will never be lived down.
...You tried to use your wallet to call her after you gave your cell phone to the cab driver as a "peace offering"
How high is the bridge and how deep is the water and what are the chances I will get arrested
I need you to ship me a penis cookie care package.
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
Randomize
