i woke up to find out i googled the Twilight Eclipse trailer. so either drunk me doesn't know that i'm straight, or sober me doesn't know that i'm gay
Because its an amazing idea and you're the only one I can think of that will allow a pirate threesome
I taped Calvin and Kyles heads together face to face while they were passed out. You should have seen them stumbling around using hungover teamwork trying to find scissors.
You were rubbing your foot on one of your legs and kept saying, "My sock feels like a waterslide!"
I had a guy present me his prison release form this morning as id
You should know me better than that. I don't whore around. I promise this is a blowjobs only kind of trip.
He calls it "his noble steed" and i plan to ride it.
Listen to me plotting my whoredom.
Febreezed myself at a stop light on the way to the IRS office. Judgmental glare from some old lady in the car next to me, thumbs up from her husband.
My love will cover her like lulu lemon yoga pants. Casually supportive and always complimenting your Ass.
Good thing I left work early to shave my balls because traffic sucked ass, which I was written up for and my reason on the write was "to close on time, have to shave balls for date tonight". Oh yea, that was a bold statement right there
New rule for Thursdays: no high gymnastics
Well i would have gone to the bar but Satan decided to hold his rituals in my uterus.
How bout we save the 40s for when we FINISH the project this time..
I may or may not be setting up an encounter with a foot fetishist just because I'm curious.
Randomize
