guys are not supposed to queef...right?
Note to self not a good idea to try and make out with a girl when she's crying over her boyfriend
Woke up with the note 'going outside. Ignore bloody spoon. Be back soon' taped to my forehead. Know anything about it?
If I am going to throw out this whole "born again virgin" thing...i'm not going to do it on someone who is less than 5 inches.
I also have a full keg. I'm thinking about crashing a party, they can't get mad if I bring a keg of beer.
Just got super judged by a walmart cashier for buying diet pills and candy in the same transaction. Like she has her life figured out.
You should never talk to him again. Unless its you knocking on the door and punching his dick.
I woke up naked, with the lights on, using my backpack as a pillow and a pillow as a blanket.
If you were awake I would probably ride my bike over, fuck you like a god, leave you in the wonders of life, and bike home
I think i should wear mittens next time we have sex.
also, am i correct in guessing that advertising the size of my hypothetical penis is a turnoff to him?
We'll never be able to grow apart now. You can't look at a stranger & say "Yea I ate goldfish crackers off his dick." & just be casual about that.
His girlfriend left him for the pizza guy. I am not fucking kidding.
I don't want to be flamboyant (says the guy who bought a hot pink suit to be a flamingo for Halloween)--but I don't mind being a little extra.
Staff meetings will be awkward since my boss and I both did the new intern
Maybe she doesn’t know you did him
Oh she definitely knows - it was a threesome
Please tell me you’re not taking life advice from porn scripts again
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