I don't understand why she insists on me walking her to the door. She came over for literally 8 minutes, we had sex, and now I need her to leave. That fake chivalry will change nothing about the situation.
so was this before or after i puked down the ice luge?
there's no toilet paper. I'm using wheat bread.
Don't worry we did the "promise to get an abortion" handshake
But Monday we'll be living in a post-apocalyptic hellscape. Also, I'm going to a champagne tasting.
I just watched the lion king for the first time in years. It's like the equivalent of a really good blow job.
Just had to masturbate in the bathroom because mom changed my room into a "knitting" room. I hate coming home.
OH BABY IM HERE AND IN A BLANKET FORT
COME TO THE BLANKET FORT
Do you have any pictures of me mounting animals that aren't on Facebook?
So I've discovered that being hungover at 25 feels the same as being hungover at 24. Happy Birthday to me.
I don't remember his name. I had whataburger on my mind and in my hands so I wasnt really listening
If I die write a nice eulogy and bury me with my star wars bobbleheads
Okay, this next statement may sound like a red flag but I'm tellin you, shotgunning those two beers really helped me love my child more effectively. Honest.
Also, my guy said they would be around. And i clarified that when I asked him for mushrooms he didn't hear "a mushroom or two" but rather understood I meant "all the mushrooms you can find between now and 4th of July."
she bought my drinks all night, made me breakfast in the morning, and let me use her expensive hair products before i left. best one night stand ever.
Randomize
