I totally thought the tree was playing the guitar
I'm buying this stripper a house, I don't care what her name is.
What are you wearing to our high school reunion?
I don't know, What kind of dress says "I feel sorry for you people?"
he puked in his toast at dennys. after snoopdogg high fived him. couldn't be prouder to be his bro in law.
Yeah I'm gunna date him. I figure its regular sex and maybe feelings will come in time...it worked for arranged marriages...
Just got a message from a guy on a dating site who says he helped me remove lime pulp from my eye in a club toilet 2 weeks ago.
It's total crap. On a side note I watched a porn of 4 guys wrestling in chocolate then messing around with each other. It was like a dream come true
he threw up in a solo cup, then washed it out and used it to play flip cup. Im not sure if thats resourceful or disgusting.
I just wish he'd leave so I can vomit in peace.
I was giving him a handjob in the woods and a family walked by
Please remind me tomorrow that I ate a loaf of jimmy johns bread on the toilet 5 mins ago
I know I swore I wouldn't go home with him, but he whispered that he had taquitos and you know how much drunk me loves taquitos.
I may be a complete scumbag but even im not willing to spend a grand and sit on a plane for 24 hours just for shrooms and a blowjob
fyi: first time in five days i havent washed my birth control down with liquor. when are we going out tonight?
The dogs decided to play a new game called "Who Can Scream the Loudest?"
I won.
Randomize
