I love how you send me nude pics of girls you're fucking and name them by which city they're in instead of their name. "This is Nashville, this is Tupelo, this is Jackson..."
what if every blade of grass was a penis?
please take me off your list of people to text when you don't want to drink by yourself.
So in our children's lit class, some jackass little boy had gone thru the where's waldo book and circled waldo. I realize you would have been that kid.
its simple. when his lips are on my clitoris i want to marry him. when they are speaking i want to kill him.
Ill trade u your bra for a run to the liquor store...
I saw a 60 yr old mans penis last night. Just for the record.
I can't remember where my feet are. All I can see are colors, and all I can feel is terror. The lollipop was a bad idea.
You had one beer and one beer can full of vodka and you took a huge gulp of one of them and called it Emily Roulette
wow. there is a man who hates the post office more than me. he is causing a scene, this is a snapshot of elderly me.
Best feeling in the world is getting a random boob pic from a drunk chick at 3 am.
this could be the second dad I've smoked weed with
Just heard a girl ask "Wait you're not my boyfriend?!" to a guy wearing the Mickey to her Minnie Mouse on my way home. Made me feel better about myself.
I screamed "You look like a guy I've fucked!" to your brother at a party... I have some explaining to do.
oh what is to come when my single life starts with a threesome?
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