i have a girlfriend
if you're drunk do you have a girlfriend?
no
you were almost asleep and mumbling "your penis is on my cheek"
No I'm not okay I had a crush on the singer of Tokio Hotel for four months and now you tell me he's a dude?
Ughh on my way to the bathroom now... literally just puked on myself and cleaned it off with a hot dog bun... I love tailgate
On my way home from Vegas. Just realized my pants are inside out
Umm. Any where really. Alcohol and boobs. Those are the requirements.
Also I feel like 60% of our relationship is based on sausage mcmuffins.
I'd rather blow Nickelback than be told he gave me gonorrhea. I'd even post it on Facebook for all of the world to like, share, and judge me.
I don't know anybody that can get the cops to drive them back to the bar after being pulled out of a tree
it happenes
Your feet probs hurt bc the cab driver kicked us out a mile from home after you wouldn't stop screaming "prohibition can suck my dick"
I want an apology pizza with SORRY IM A DOUCHE spelled out on it in pepperoni
I'm the catering manager, it's not my job to stop 2 teenagers from fucking in the bathroom. I couldn't bring myself to stop that sort of young romance anyway, that's what I pay you people for
I just want somebody who'll randomly bring me pizza and lovingly squeeze my butt. Is there a dating app for that, do you think?
How the fuck did he think me asking about the possibility of a threesome was a rhetorical question?
I just googled "how to blow an uncircumcised guy" and did serious research. That's how badly I want to fuck him.
You misuse your internet privileges.
Randomize
