UPDATE: In a passionate fit of self love, I brought myself to orgasm under the moon on my 7th floor balcony, ejaculating between the rungs towards the ground.
Unfortunately, I did not realize that most of it would end up on the balcony below mine.
At least you don't cum in color.
The brown eye won't let me do that either.
You were spooning my trash can and I had to crumble cookies on the floor by your face to get you to eat
ugh he was not leaving in the morning so i tried to scare him by crying and saying i wasnt ready to lose my virginity.
I just told him that with every paper, I'd take a picture of myself with one less piece of clothing. Who say's I can't be a tutor?
when your 30 and im 37 and we're lonely and single, lets make a pact to murder each other.
I feel like I grabbed someones dick last night, & if I didn't I'll be disappointed in myself
i came so hard i kicked through my windshield
I hugged the bouncer as we left.
I say I hate my boss but I find myself jerking off to him more and more with each passing day
I can't feel the bottom half of my face but i feel like our sex would be amazing
Its 11am and I'm eating gummi bears and drinking Tennessee honey in my underwear...this is why I'm self employed
How does one get out of sexting without being rude? I'm trying to watch Downtown Abbey
My husband was abducted by a group of disco dancers in the parde and danced off down the street. If you see him, tell him to Hustle on home and clean the cat box. #MardiGras
You ripped his router out of the wall and screamed "I have defeated the matrix"
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