I cant believe you went over there and fucked her last night after everything you said
she invited me over to play the wii, it's not like i intended to
You KNEW her power was out...
He has jerked off in so many socks I am surprised he doesn't have athletes dick
so thats when we found her crawling hands and knees up first street singing hold me closer tony danza as loud as she could
did she say where she was going
apparently she thought she was on morton hill and was trying to go back to the bars
Plus she can make a mean sandwich! That's all I really need. Well that and foot jobs...
Judging by the fact that my hair was glued to my head with vomit, yeah I think I couldve used a friend last night
He set 8 alarms to make sure I took my birth control on time..
Long labias. Talking about. Too drunk to explain. Tomorrow.
Broke up w/ my married coworker...work is gonna get weird.
you said you were a responsible adult. then you licked the wall.
he asked me for a gerbil feeder full of alcohol
Of course I will... FYI I just gave my balls a crew cut.
you haven't really lived until you are in a situation where your vagina is hanging out
Okay well we need to be adults. We're gonna end up with diabetes or some shit.
I was on etsy and I'm like those boobs look way too familiar
I just saw a raccoon get launched out of a tree by another raccoon. They have turf wars...
Randomize
