He can't get past my hymen. At least that's what he said it feels like.
Care to explain to me why theres a baby food jar filled with semen in my fridge? or why its labeled as unicorn sweat?
Who was that guy I met at your brother's house who had to get stitches in his ass?
Fell down a spiral staircase. Et tu vodka. Et tu.
When his Irish accent comes out my uterus hums. Or some productive organ down there, I'm not sure of the logistics
He's coming over, and I hope he doesn't get hungry. I'm sure its not proper protocol to bring one booty call to another booty call's house for the munchies.
I just wrote "where Jason is" on the screen. He guessed "hospital" correctly.
i know you're at the dentist, but this dick pic was too phenominal to wait and i deserve immediate tit compensation
I met a bunch of Germans and said in german "this is for the fatherland" and poured a beer on my head
On duty sugar tits. A Marine never abandons his post to take nudi pics.
Was that you I seen riding on the top of a cab? Way to start the new year
Best ethics paper a stoner could write. I called my professor Dr. Superfly Arandia. And I'm pretty sure I used "respect the hustle" somewhere in there too.
I think one of your friend's offered my friend chicken tenders back at his place...just FYI he should probably come up w/ another line
When you make me feel sane and well-adjusted, it is time to reevaluate your night out habits. Just sayin'.
Like seriously how stupid drunk do you have to get befor you start finding dolphin lighters and shit in your undergarments
Randomize
