he legitimately fell asleep standing up at the club. everyone was impressed
It's hard for me to sext him when the picture i see on my phone when he texts me is his facebook default of him and his girlfriend.
May have caused an international incident. More details after we taxi in.
Pre-crushing the pills for tomorrow morning. This way I can sleep in an extra 10 minutes.
What started as a "classy" double date ended with Jeremy and I tripping our balls off and talking to the refrigerator while the girls cried on the couch and questioned where their lives were heading.
woke up to a family dragging me under their beach umbrella, they poured water on me bc they "thought I was dead" then fed me quesadillas and nursed me back to health... gotta love Cabo
She loves introducing her friends to my foreskin.
hey dude my crackhead idol just taught me a great way to tie shoes
why does drunk me think that doing things like throwing up on my desk and all over my 15 page lab report is okay
I was driving around a golf cart with a keg in the back before I got caught by the cops. First slow speed chase ever
We are actually the same person except with opposite genitalia, which are both incredible.
Your friends are scaring the cats so I'm going to smoke weed with them to call them down.
Shit is getting real. I just adjusted my search radius for my dating profile to ANY FUCKING WHERE
It's scary that my vibrator is a dangerous weapon. I want a new one.
I need to start journaling my drunk thoughts. Drunk me is fucking brilliant & sober me is missing out.
Randomize
