You text me last night that you invented a new food. Cheese-less grilled cheese. Congrats, you made toast.
i decided to cut a 3rd hole in to my snuggie so i could masturbate all the time.. all time low? or genius?
That's a really weird place to spoon. Especially if there are more accessible places to spoon. Like a bathtub.
i just saw some one pass a baby through the drive-thru window at dairy queen.
Woke up with string cheese braided into my hair- literally braided
4 am. She strained the mac and cheese onto her legs. She has no skin.
i watched you ride a mechanical penis. nothing is awkward between us anymore.
We are casual work acquaintances that occasionally fuck when the urge strikes. CWATOFWTUS. I know FWB rolls off the tongue better but it is what it is.
I would think I was a stalker too if I wasn't myself
Waking up at a teachers house is a very confusing thing
You're not married and none of these idiots are committing to you so whore it up on whore island
Can we go to pirate hooker whore island then
Any chance the bar is open now? Also who's wedding is this?
I would say don't do anything I wouldn't do, but we both know I forget about my personal safely when getting laid is on the line
She was here for a threesome... She doesn't have to put the new roll of toilet paper on the dispenser. She can leave the new roll wherever she wants!
The closest thing I've had to an orgasm lately is sneezing nonstop from fucking allergies.
Randomize
