the boobs are fake... i feel like i just found out santa isn't real.
I think I love you, but I may be biased because we had pirate sex.
Golf group in front of us has 2 hooker caddies. One guy was getting a lap dance as he waited to tee off. Only in vegas.
Think I can pull off edward 40 hands before class?
You might end up in the wrong class.
I'm a COM major, they're all the wrong class.
apparently I crawled into someone's bed and demanded they call me 'big dog' before shotgunning a beer
I think it says something about my life when I start picking up girls while im in rehab. And I don't think it's good.
You asked me to pick a color between pink and purple, and I said orange; you told me, "okay, that's a truth question". Then you asked if I had ever deep-throated a cupcake...I didn't even know what to say.
trust me. coming from a bonafide dirtbag, this dude is up to shady shit
Why do you have an empty bottle of port in your bathroom bin?
Se wrote an essay in class about proper and fashionable winter wear for dogs. Of course I regret fucking her.
You can't have your cake and publicly stick your dick in it too
Now I just sit back and wait to give ass birth to pure evil.
Then he asked if he could pee on me and things really went downhill
Kay so its 9 am whose dumbass is gunna act sober to buy pizza rolls
Dude you promised
Gatorade without vodka just doesn't taste the same
Randomize
