All I remember is yelling at him to admit he liked Bon Jovi, then accusing him of giving love a bad name.
is it sad that i think every plant i pass on the highway looks like a plant from farmville?
I had a wet dream about my mom last night. words can't even begin to discribe how scarred I am. what. the. fuck.
the majority of my texts from you are at 3 AM & consist of either "I'm drunk", "you're asian", or "bratwurst"
The future queen of Norway was pregnant with a druglord's baby when she met the prince. We still have hope.
He poured syrup on all those broken dishes because "syrup is magical, and by the time we wake up, they'll be fixed."
I've awoken at 3am again, in a night terror, just thinking about how big his dick was.
I was passed out on the dog bed yelling "I UNDERSTAND"
I tried to show my boob for free volcano tacos at taco bell last night. Not boobs. Just boob. The manager wasn't allowing it.
Apparently he's taking the slut he cheated on me with on a cruise for her birthday. THAT COULD HAVE BEEN ME. TITANTIC STYLE.
I totally accidentally said "we don't go around hammering girls in the rear" in front of 132 5th graders today.
your life is going to be an empowering working mom montage tomorrow to Katy P's ROAR... --are you living in a yoplaít comercial?
I officially have worse injuries from a baby shower than roller derby.
I would not recommend douching while drunk.
Just got my LSAT score...if you need me I'll be drunk in a ditch somewhere.
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