Ninja stars and alcohol are a bad combo
Yeah. Fortunately, the road to Hell is paved with naked 21 year old girls.
Which beats the fuck out of good intentions.
Watching a deaf couple have an argument in the mall. Can't bring myself to look away.
the only muscles i have these days is kegels
you should have seen his reaction to my boobs, it was like he just met god
Just saw the guy with the plastic bag on his head riding his bike again...
Thank god for makeup because it looks like someone took a shit on my face
Fuck I am starving. I don't think I've eaten in the past two days.
You didnt need to. Gin is like eggs, its a perfectly nutrionally balanced meal.
This is literally engraved into my seat "Need crack?" And then there's a number. This isn't real.
I like to feed my guinea pigs before I get stoned. In case they get contact high and get the munchies. It's only polite.
I am the girl who goes to bed with her make-up on so that she doesn't have to fully redo it in the morning. I am obviously not ready to be a mother.
How does that even work?
Someone's vagina was extra sandy cause the left side of my bed feels like the beach.
That was when I yelled "Wisconsin powers activate!" and took off sprinting across the ice
You thought you were Snapchating on your tablet, but were really just poking John Stamos' face on my Full House dvd case...
You went to pound town last night and chow town this morning. Boy you need a passport.
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