sometimes when you bring the thunder you get lost in the storm
I just watched Juno. I kind of wish I was in highschool and pregnant
They totally botched my boob job. My tits look like they're are winking.
you never know when you'll meet the man of your dreams and bang him in an elevator
he was chasing shots of soco with fistfuls of my birthday cake
Apparently she buried shit in the snow back in January and now that it's melted I found a flip flop, 4 spoons, a bottle of smirnoff, and 14 different candy bars
5 am booty call.. And I went I need to gain better control of my vagina
He tells me he loves me and I say I just want him for sex, then he looks at me like I just said I hate puppies. What kind of guy is he?
I just used "et al" in a sext. I thought you'd be proud
i'm hungover but need to study so i had a vodka orange juice, three ibuprofen and an adderall for breakfast. what up med school
Dude... She just sent me a story of how she wants to fuck me on a boat and call me her captain.. Well ahoy mateys, lets set sail
Can we make 2014 the year of no unsolicited dick pics?
she wanted me to tie her up with my playstation charger cord. i kept on hoping she wasn't a squirter. those cords r expensive. could have def been a Sony commercial tho
Nobody likes ball hair. Not even gay dudes
false alarm, still single
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