ron's 8" boning knife is for sale. oh and it comes with a flavor injector.
High?
hahahahaha turkey breast
he had more hair on his balls then in my Easter basket
My history with restaurant waiters is severely limiting our dinner options.
I woke up with a crunchy, pink Pepto streak through my hair, no recollection of the last 6 hours of my night and the feeling that all the hotel's staff knew me on a first name basis.
I remembered to bring wine in a nalgene bottle, but I forgot sunscreen and water. I'm starting to question my life decisions.
You're the only person I know who would be upset about making out with a girl you like. You're like a drunken Charlie Brown.
I'm sooo hungover. I fell asleep on top of a car in a parking lot last night. New one to add to the list.
THIS IS A FLATMATE WARNING! The white powder next to sink is washing powder I spilled and is not meant for human comsumption. I repeat- do not digest, snort or smoke the white powder next to the sink!!!!
There's no discreet way to sneak a cucumber into the shower lol
Just a little. Like do I say "hey I'm the girl that's fucking your son, nice to meet you"
I love you even if you are fucked up. If you fall, i'll just get on top of you.
Im gonna start dry humping the manequins and see if i get fired.
Crazy homeless man drinking beer out of a vitamin water container on the bus just set me up on a date with the yuppie next to him
Welcome aboard the S.S. struggle. I'll be your captain for today's voyage and Jeremy is your first mate. Just sit back and relax while we navigate the seas of drunken regret. Your forecast for the day is violently hungover with a chance of "shit, that really did happen!"
Just FYI: if you happen to notice a liquid of some sort on my kitchen counter with an interesting color/ texture, don't taste it
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