oh no, I think we did it in the 'front asshole'
The worst part is I think my tongue cut his penis and now he wont talk to me.
she's into porn, im staying here tonight
whispering "taste the rainbow" well having sex isn't my biggest turn on.
He left his umbrella behind in my bed to 'keep me company', then stole my front door key before he went to work
Nice. I ate a jello shot out of a bovine blow up doll's love hole last night
I was too sleepy and drunk to verbally annihilate anyone and ruin their reason for being. So i just opted to sleep with the fitted sheet on the floor
Considering the fact that everyone took the wrong jacket from that party, should we casually try to return the chalice and soccer ball we stole from last night?
She got called into work early but she left me a note that had directions to her roommates stash of weed on top of a two bacon and egg mcmuffins. I think I win.
You know those twins i had a crush on in grade school? Just woke up between them. Best. Party. EVER.
I found her in my pantry with her shirt off twerking...I tapped her on the shoulder and she said she was giving Chef Boyardee a show and to give her a minute...
She forgot a bra so she just used seran wrap. The scary thing is, it worked.
One three hour marathon fuck session and now she's divorcing her husband. Should I get business cards made?
God specifically crafted these hands to deal out orgasms.
I'm ne vrr drinkjng againnnnnnnn dforeal.
Randomize
