I just made princess spaghettios..and I wonder why she broke up with me for not being mature enough.
I think it was the chocolate body paint and awesome blowjob that finally made us official.
Even though I wasn't drunk last night, I peed in the sink just so I could keep my record going
the ladder is at the bottom of the pool
Have you ever chugged beers in the hospital parking garage with your mom?
Beautiful fucking linguistics Shakespeare, but youre still not doing that to my face
My lecture teach is passed out next to me. I think I'm doing pretty good for a freshman.
I am eating deep fried cinnamon rolls and I found a lighter in my sprinkles. I miss you.
This is what happens when you live with someone you met on Grindr
My gynecologist got a full view of the obviously bite marked shaped bruises on my thighs. I just kept talking about work and hoped she wouldn't judge me.
For once I am not in the mood. My vagina is good with life at the moment.
The apocalypse has arrived.
Just FYI....you totally yelled out Royals while we were having sex last night lol.
YOU HAVE BEEN BAD TOUCHED BY THE LEPRECHAUN OF CHOICES
Is it weird that the girl I'm fucking just wished me luck on my date tonight?
I WANNA... wait, will you kinkshame me?
Nah.
I WANNA KNOW WHAT HE SMELLS LIKE
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