My eyes are so dilated i literally have night vision right now.
this morning i woke up with my panties on and i knew where i was. success.
People are suprisingly accepting of someone doing a walk of shame in a toga...
Last night the nurse at the ER told me that she wished all her drunk patients were like me. Then she commented on my socks...
So I woke up in a strange bed with a note taped to my arm giving me directions back to my brothers apartment.
I told him I was engaged, had 911 on speed dial and made him wear his seatbelt, then dropped his drunk ass off at his motel...probably not the night he was expecting.
If I had to give her an idea on what it means to be ur date I would compare it to being Ralph macchio's gf in the first karate kid... That's one of the coolest things I've ever said... I love drugs.
I don't care if I just threw up. You kiss me now. This is marriage.
exactly. I want him to have to live with the fact that he fucked me. I want him to look me in the eye and say "you were a drunken mistake".
You were being mean. And telling everyone to suck your six inch strap on. People were not pleased
Please be lying.
Im not. Your family was creeped out
this probably sounds so sketchy, but hes going to jail in a month so he needs a place to crash for now. Hes sick though, and hes paying half our rent
my mom just told me I should hit it and quit apparently she does not like this new girl
My lunch = taste testing salsas for A&P. They gave me a free 64oz grape juice as a thank you. So, now we have something to drink in the house. So while you are spending all the money on breakfast rolls and pizza for lunch, I'm cigaretteless and whoring myself for tablespoons of salsa and free juice.
ive started thanking my toys after masturbating. might be time to get some fuck boys
So anyways, we returned the toilet paper and decided to use the money for taco bell and slurpees instead...
Randomize
