You are still hot in my book. I wanna dry hump u like a 9th grader then hump for real when the herpes is gone.
i just caught my roommate coming out of the bathroom half naked with a surge protector. he told me he didn't wanna talk about it.
:( I miss blowjobs.
This is probably the strangest conversational segue we've ever had.
Anywhere you can eat green eggs and ham, you can have sex.
Just made a coke joke and literally drooled on myself. How do we feel about pavlov's theory of conditioning now?
I feel like I'm in a bed a bagels and mistakes.
For looking exactly like her, she tasted less like her sister than I would've thought
I gave his parents a candle as a thanks for letting me hang out there all the time. Which i guess is more accurately a thanks-for-letting-me-fuck-your-son candle
She's the worst person, but the best naked person
I do believe at one point I was dispensing medical advice while wearing your sombrero and a hulk hand
No worries. On my way home to get ski poles and wipe the sick off my face. Then it's time to get drunk in the park
We didn't want to make a pit stop so I just helped my husband pee in a bottle. No one told me this was part of love.
You are like a vicious sex animal persistently seeking prey
GIIIIRL I AM STONED AF AND I HAVE A HOMEMADE POT PIE IN THE OVEN THIS PARTY IS LIT.
Yeah. Of all the things to be cock blocked by a plague is the most unexpected.
Randomize
