I have to decide between the hot young blond with no apparent gag reflex, and the brunette with a great ass and a trust fund.
He cooked the food on a paper plate in the oven.
I am like the Mr. Miyagi of queefs.
She showed me her prom dress from 2001, which still had her date's cum stain on it.
Oh, so that's why you call her jizzarella....
She compared sex to doing dishes."You scrub them until they're wet."
If is anything like my past relationships, I have no doubt that I will single-handedly reignite the Cold War
Are the homeless actually allowed to bathe in fountains located on Main Street in downtown Houston? Can Houston TX be so progressive as to condone public bathing?
My chiropractor just high fived me for getting drunk enough to throw my back out this weekend.. Life. Complete.
I just remember her dragging me inside in a panic saying we needed mentos and popcorn I have no fucking clue how we ended up asleep in her closet.
I wanna snuggle with you as we feed each other chipotle burrito bowls and that's just where I'm at right now
Red Alert: She has 3 cats, a parrot, and 2 rats. Initiate Protocol Zero and rendezvous at Checkpoint Bravo for debriefing
Oh my god the guy at DQ just gave me the number 69 and winked at me
She just walked out of her bedroom naked and asked me to help put her diaper on. Yeah, that pretty much sums up the last 24 hours...
I'm really going to need you to stop yelling Campari.
Went on a blind date. Afterwards I ripped my pants off and said "it's game time". He was into it.
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