Let's hear it for middle of the street handjobs ladies and gentlemen
dude.. you lit a cigarette on the bus and told the driver it was okay because you were fire marshall of your boy scout troop
I convinced a girl to do a shot of salsa someone fell through the whole on the porch and Sara swallowed a beer tab
Talking about the game in the closet with a banana wearing sunglasses.
I just got a flashback from Saturday night of you helping me wash my feet in the bar's bathroom.
He did plead exhaustion. And I made him push through it. I am like the motherfucking badass football coach of sex.
my knee is completely bruised from kneesliding into the bowling ball. bowling for creativity points was a win
It's my coworker's last day party and I'm the one who ended up shitfaced on the train with half a bottle of belvedere in my bag.
I sat on the toilet and peed through my jeans, then I pissed the bed and blamed him...do you think well have a 2nd date?
These are your "grown up" slampiece's new hours of operation; please plan accordingly
I can't believe he just friend zoned me like that.
Dude, you're not even gay.
Dude I puked in a snow bank and then fell face first into it
I woke up just like any other Wednesday. Naked on the floor, hungover and covered head to toe in lube
We need to feng shui this bitch.
Turns out tits aren't quite as effective an enticement when they know for a fact that they can't touch.
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