I don't make mistakes...just understandable bad choices.
Just asked what her favorite part of a guys body is. She said ballsack. I'm in love.
I know I am usually the slut but tonight it's her. She is being a slut, yes slut, T as in Tomorrow, U as in Uterus, L as in Llama and S as in Sangria. That spells slut, but backwards and that's what she is being.
Listen man this isn't about soccer. It's about America and day drinking... Your two favorite things now get your ass over here
Oh you don't have to buy a shower curtain, I stole the one from her bathroom. It has dolphins on it.
You hid from a cop under some guy's canoe on his lawn.. It didnt work
My period started right as he was entering, which really helped me sell the "I've never done this before" bit.
This is going to be the time I got green body paint on Chris' ceiling all over again...
We got to his house at 7am and two random guys were on the couch shot gunning beers saying we were late for the party
So I just sent my ex a video snap chat of me getting head from some Venezuelan hottie with the caption I still love you. Think she'll take me back?
Also, I have your check. Also, still wanna drop acid?
she's the poster child for how alcoholism can be fun.
A seagull just tried to steal my cellphone
It's 2017. Get with the program. Also remind me never to get margaritas with you ever on Cinco de Mayo.
Really should've known 2020 was gonna suck when the guy dressed as baby new year got arrested at our party 5 past midnight...
Randomize
