I knocked on some strangers door, you didn't have to give me a fake hotel room number
So random guy from last night came over tonight. I told myself I wasn't going to sleep with him but he had some killer dirty talk and a big penis in his arsenal...what was I supposed to do? Supposedly he lost his virginity to his wife and since their divorce a year ago I'm the 1st girl he's slept with, I feel like I just re-took his virginity...I feel like a rockstar.
you're wrong. we DID have sex last night. just ask your roommate. you seriously don't remember him asking to join us?
Selling Girl Scout Cookies outside bars for higher than retail value has got to be the most profitable idea. Ever.
I elbow dropped a bag of ice to break it so we could make margaritas. I bled everywhere. Be proud.
sleazy september. first one with mono loses.
I need a picture of your dick for my friends birthday card
Don't look him in the eyes, it like looking at the sun but instead of burning your retinas it makes you wet and vulnerable
Not my type. One of those types that loves that they're educated, could drink their red wine and have an intellectual conversation and have a wonderful time
An adult?
Once you share a nude experience with someone and three Norwegian guys, you're bound for life.
Sam was like the mother fucking Moses of drunk and underage kids and he lead them to safety away from the cops. He's a hero that we deserve.
I swear to god if you settle for a trump supporting packers fan, I will not acknowledge your children. You're better than that.
I just found a ladybug shell in my underwear. What was I doing last night?
I just got a rock from a customer. Weirdest. Tip. Ever.
What time is our conjugal visit?
Umm...who is this?
Randomize
