Your girlfriend is a south jersey whore
last night i told the bartender i only have 3 days left to live so i wouldnt have to pay for drinks
this morning i woke up with a nothing but a pair of what i believe are fairy wings on - and the bartender in my bed
he thinks ill be dead by monday and still came home w me.. WTF?
messed up. what color are the wings?
A homeless man in dtwn SF was blasting lil wayne and singing at the top of his lungs. I kinda wanted to give him my life savings
Why are you ignoring all of my texts?
The power was out.
Am I allowed to make my facebook status "loves farting in chairs"? I think it would shock every boy that I am friends with.
i do not condone bathtub ky wrestling
This escort grabbed my boyfriends ass and it became clear, he fucked pretty much anything he could find prior to dating me.
I have walked into stripper central, but I'm on the street at 1:00 in the afternoon
I'm just gonna eat nachos and wine fruit forever.
We work out, have really intense sex, and then eat cereal marketed for children. We have a system, okay?
Are you trying to say I've made an emotionally well rounded transformation similar to the Grinch?
you just have the mind of an innocent, non-tainted child.
YOU KNOW THAT'S BULLSHIT BECAUSE YOU'RE THE REASON IT'S BULLSHIT
like don't tell me my baby smooth vag offended you
wait he has a twin??? which one did you fuck
yes
Last night I was the DD and was trying to drop off some chick I didn't know at her place. The closest thing to an address I got was "where the goldfish go."
Randomize
