I'll write directions out on a napkin and slip it to him. Then say P.S. The UTI is gone.... that's not creepy at all right?
I think I breastfed the cat at some point during the night, at least that's what my nipples are saying
Ps if we're still living vicariously through each other, you had sex on a beach last night
a guy tried paying for lapdances with cds, who uses those anymore?
it was such a weird mix, KFC and penis
i've officially fucked a sailor, a policeman and a biker. I've never noticed my Village People fetish until now...
If she were to ever cheat on her husband, I'm positive I'm the the go to guy. Which flatters me and weirds me out at the same time.
couldn't find my pants so i stole a pair of shorts from the passed out kid in the corner.
Now that I'm single, I like to think of myself as in a relationship with Taco Bell.
I'm not THAT invested in seeing you to an orgasm
Yeah he drove 30 minutes at 3 AM to come fuck me in my neighbors treehouse
I might go bald with this hair pulling thing every night.
I or someone else dumped a lot of glitter into my boobs last night.
I just woke up naked in a bed with your brother. WHAT THE HELL HAPPENED TO NOT LETTING EACH OTHER DO STUPID THINGS?
You fucked my brother?!
I was trying not to blow up your phone, but I'm so horny I think I might die
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