he thinks he's going to hurt your feelings
He can't hurt my feelings
I don't have feelings.
Should I text him? Life is confusing when you actually like someone instead of just wanting to blow them.
I'm playing wingman, but I want to pull a Goose and die.
Apparently 151 is to me what spinach is to popeye.
you should have seen his reaction to my boobs, it was like he just met god
I fell asleep to the sounds of them banging in the next room. It was oddly soothing...
She told me my pubes were as soft as "fine wool"
You are COMPLAINING that the sex was too good. You're not getting any sympathy from me
Dude you chased a girl around the yard and then fell over the curb. Face first. You got up on your own tho so you reached champion status
Of course it may just be the context. A dish of dog food would look lovely next to your breasts.
in other news i got caramel vodka poured on me. upside, i smell amazing
I just want him to make us coffee. And whack off into the sunset
not sure if actually covered in glitter or just drunk
I'm kind of pissed I'm not hungover, that means I could have totally drank more last night.
Don’t be alarmed my pee bowl is in your shower
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