Come back if u want to. I'll do some dirty shit to u mamacita.
We were both sleeping and she woke up and just puked i feel so bad for everyone around us
Just gargled Fireball to get the fish taco taste out of my mouth. Almost as good as gum.
I tried karate at age 7 and quit after realizing it conflicted with watching new episodes of "Full House."
girls just need to accept the fact that i'm going to make out with their boyfriends
We were driving to the party as he was giving me key bumps.. That's what I call team work
Dude, you face planted, there was no "bar fight".
Mike showed up naked and in handcuffs. Again. Feel free to come over and laugh because I'm not helping this time.
Well she got high, deleted the essay she was working on, and then ordered dominos. We all manage stress in different ways.
My vagina was just really confused why you weren't inside it
That awkward moment when your boyfriend tries to have sex with his go pro on #hdporn
The girl I was Skype sexing just asked for a moment of silence for robin Williams.
Dude. Got a sore throat. Don't know if it's because my body is rejecting Michigan or cause of the bad ass blow job I gave last night
i'm sitting in bed scratching my boobs and wearing a sparkly fedora and have no one to blame but myself
I gotta stop fucking the bouncers. We are running out of bars to go to.
Randomize
