ahhh, you guys look like a cute little family in the cop car!
I can already tell this is gonna be one of those parties where we sit across the room and text about people.
So.. My internet got red-flagged at work because i did a search on "midigit strippers las vegas" This may be hard to explain...
I just banged two guys while dressed like an angel. I love this holiday.
Just saw a woman with a Pomeranian in her bra. Way to step up your game Seattle.
Also I may have a condom stuck inside me, but I won`t know til I check the couch coushions.
Standards? I'm sitting on his couch eating microwaved ramen wearing his wife's t-shirt. I don't remember what having standards even feels like.
So apparently after I spilled candle wax down the front of my pants, I went to the store, bought condoms, and passed them out to everyone at the bar.
I thought they were lying to me about the condoms, until I found the receipt in my pocket.
Just try not to burn your pubes off with sparklers this year.
No promises
There may or may not be an ass shaped dent in the hood of my car. All I know is windshield wipers aren't as sturdy as you think to hold onto.
It makes me feel all patriotic & free... And borderline diabetic.
I just loudly threatened to kill a self checkout machine
Explain to me again why I'm doing the walk of shame if we fucked at my house?
ATTENTION: just found out of have strep. if we have had sex in the past week, might wanna go to the doctor. if you plan to have sex with me in the next 20 days go buy some condoms. stupid antibiotics.
Fucking a younger guy is now a game of odds. The chance that he gives me corona virus is outweighed by the evening of orgasms I know he’ll give me.
Randomize
