Just saw a girl that looks like Michelle Obama and Im strangely aroused by her. Does that make me a democrat?
Any particular reason you put 2 smashed up limes in my back pocket last night?
woke up with 15 BAGS of hot dog buns in my passenger seat... jameson strikes again
Do you think girls in gamma phi sit around and think about how much they suck?
I just passed on expense account drinking, this must be the worst hangover ever.
I'll tell these girls I'm like the pet adoption center...don't play with it if you're not taking it home.
The less fucks you give, the more fucks you get. Kinda like "a penny saved is a penny earned" but with vagina.
it's my favorite when the couple downstairs are having sex so loud that i feel like I'm part of a threesome
second-hand sex is fun, isn't it?
I can wear a rubber suit at three am and spank someone's ass until its sore and fuck them three ways from Sunday. And get up the next day and do their laundry. As long as once in awhile they rub my back without expecting anything
Let's be honest, I am pretty sketchy looking.
I spent three hours in the ER last night to figure out that my friend just had to take a shit
She broke up with me. I guess I was in the most chaste lesbian relationship in the history of the world and had no idea.
The Easter sex puns were too abundant
Haha do not judge my life style choices right now but me and Dj had sex twice and then he helped me pick an outfit out for my date
I will give him this, every time we go to the club he gets a stripper's actual number.
Randomize
