billy ray cyrus is narrating a show on the history channel. my iq cant decide whether to go up or down.
It smells like ranch
Must be all the white people
Law school is ruining my masturbation schedule.
we did rock-paper-scissors to see who would find out if you had alcohol poisoning
The only bad thing about this relationship... my forearm strength is dwindling
in case you blackout.. this is confirmation that yes, you were sitting spread eagle on the kitchen floor chugging pickle juice out of the jar.
I apparently started to text you last night. All it said was 'the whole clam'. I hope that means something to you.
The last thing I remember is teaching our waffle house waitress to do the stanky leg and promising the grill cook we would come see him at his other job.
Well when I got home you were sitting at the table eating cold, leftover taco meat. I'd say you were pretty far gone by that time.
I woke up in confetti... confetti and shame
Well I have rug burns in both armpits, somehow. So yes you should have been here
Do you think kicking my coke habit is a good personal goal to put down on the evaluation form?
Don't forget to bring $1s for the strippers. Make it rain!!!!
Thanks, mom, will do
I found my bra I wore on Friday night...he fucked the underwire out of it
hahahahaha
They gave my sperm a pep talk after they found out we were trying.to have.a baby.
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