if he's not good at sex i should be allowed to have sex with someone who is. that's a totally legit statement i think
So I just almost came on my own face I had to dodge it as it was flying by...that was a first
Woke up with a retainer in my boxers and about ten chicks passed out around me. now I feel like something out of Cinderella, trying to find whose teeth fit in the glass retainer.
he was actually really polite. he asked before he came on my chest because he "wasn't sure my stance on it".
I like one night stands...theyre like crushes for big kids
Just heard the new 'We are the world' ... Can I get my 10 bucks for Haiti back?
Worst hangover of my career vs the return of the blue balls. Will keep updated
There still is not and there never will be anything as magical as getting high while listening to William Shatner's version of Bohemian Rhapsody.
i don't remember much about your party last weekend but i remember you being so drunk you were crying in your driveway about pickles at four am
Knowing there are different types of spiders in different countries and regions makes me never want to travel.
You have got to be the only man who has passed out while getting a lap dance.
I've been sober for almost two weeks and it's been the worst two weeks ever. Even my mom told me I need to start drinking again.
We lost you in the bar so we waited outside for you...next thing you know you kick open the doors and yell "I'M ALIVE"
It's OK, I woke up in a drag queen's bed last weekend. It took me forever to get the glitter out of my cleavage.
Woke up with a glow stick in my boobs this morning. Must've dominated Sunday.
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