i wish i could, but i promised myself i wouldn't sleep with anyone who couldn't grow a beard for a while. it's not you, it's crosby.
I'm officially "accidentally set myself on fire" drunk
I just wanna not walk straight. Is that too much to ask for?
Also, just saw a kid in a gorilla costume being questioned by a boardwalk cop. I love ocean city.
He crawled in my bed this morning, ate me out, and even brought me a panera deli sammie for lunch at school. I don't care what he lied about, all is forgiven him.
get over here now. the boys are doing shots of everclear, chasing with monster, and some dude jsut walked in with a backpack full of tattoo gear.
We forgot to go back and get the brick YOU WANTED TO BRING INTO THE BAR?
I woke up naked in my bathtub at 5:30 this morning. There's legit a spray tan body print of me in the fetal position in my tub.
You might have crossed the line by jerking off while she was in the bathroom taking a prego test. Just saying
At least I look tastefully trashed. My nipples are hidden and I'm standing up.
dude my grandma just called my dealer. How does this shit happen to me
Sneezing cum all over the table was not the highlight of the family reunion if that tells you anything
I just wanna be euthanized
Thas it
Nothing to be ashamed of. I bet Oprah has sharted.
Where do you think black out memories go?
Into the dark abysmal abyss of the deepest, darkest part of your mind. It's obviously the bodies natural defense to protect you from witnessing the shit you do while actually blacked out.
Randomize
