i caught a guy at work today stealing condoms. i let him go when i realized that they were extra small.
It smells like Drakkar Noir and desperation out here.
That's why you should quit smoking.
man i wonder what i would be like if i had never started smoking weed
we marched down beaver avenue with lit tiki torches humming the olympics opening song.
He woke up licked his hand and put it on my vag and went back to sleep. This is twice this week and its only wednesday
Ja rule starts his prison sentence today #3475th reason we should drink tonight
Then you bent down and whispered, "excuse me mr. Stair, could you please stop moving?"
I guess she fell asleep at the strip club and the other one was crying because she had a vagina in her face. Happy 21st!
And then he dove into my vagina like scrooge mcduck into a room of gold
I was planning out a scrapbook to memorialize my affair.......and that's when it hit me, I don't make good choices. On the upside, the scrap book came out great and I am glad I saved all the gate passes from the airport.
She puked off the side of the cruise ship onto a newlyweds balcony table and they watched it all happen then they made her clean it up
Drunk sperm are not productive sperm.
That awkward moment when you hear your boss yelling during sex while you're on her couch eating Easy Mac.
Dentist appt at 2pm get milk poured on my tits by 2am
A marvelous 12 hours
I feel like I have the I just lost my virginity face and everyone at the grocery store knows it.
Randomize
